Why I need to get a boob job essay

I need to get a boob job. It is a matter of life and death, not only for me but the entire world as well. My bigger breasts will bring world peace and make the troops pull out of Iraq (and probably into my driveway). But seriously, there is a legitimate reason why I need to get breast augmentation. Let me start off by giving you my personal reasons why I need breast augmentation. Unlike some people in this world, blondes included, I was never gifted with amazing breasts. God chose to give me brains, personality and a great sense of humor instead.

I have already sent him my letter of complaint but still no reply. I digress. I need breast augmentation because my boyfriend is giving me a very hard time. He always grabs my ass because he has no breasts to grab on to. My ass hurts like hell now and if I don’t get breast augmentation done, I fear I will never be able to sit down anymore. I also need breast augmentation because of the scoliosis. I wasn’t born with a perfectly arched back and tend to slouch forward. The breast augmentation will remedy this by forcing me to keep my back straight when I walk.

On the subject of physical imperfections, I also have a peg leg. It is humiliating to be walking down the street and have guys and girls alike stare at my peg leg. I feel like I am only half a person with this peg leg and I feel that getting breast augmentation will make me feel like 3/4s of a woman. It will also keep people from staring at my peg leg and from saying “dude, check out the gimp! ”. I can only imagine it now, “Dude, check out the rack on that gimp! ” But enough about the personal and selfish reasons why I need breast augmentation.

The real reason why I should get breast augmentation is because I want to bring world peace. Statistically speaking, more accidents are caused by driver’s inattentiveness than anything else. This is where my breasts come in. My bigger breasts will keep drivers in line. The reason drives are inattentive is due to the fact that there are not enough big breasts in the world. In man’s quest to spot the perfect pair of hooters, he is rendered inattentive to his surroundings and thus frequently gets into driving accidents. My big breasts will reduce the need to searching for big breasts and reduce road accidents.

The troops in Iraq need to be inspired. A number of our American soldiers are out there risking their lives for a country that they are losing their faith in. We need to inspire those troops and if I get breast augmentation it will be the perfect solution. Give the troops something to look forward to and inspire them. Three years in the desert with only picture of Saddam, women in veils and camel humps can do a lot to zap a man’s strength, these troops need to know that there is something worth fighting for, the freedom of America and my augmented breasts.

And finally, breast augmentation is the key to world peace. Men create wars. Men kill each other. The reason for this is because men have only 3 major feelings unlike women who have 7 billion emotions (happy yet sad, sad but really happy, quiet but content, noisy but in love). Guys only know, hungry, sleepy and horny, everything else is just a sub category. America has an overabundance of food. Guys can’t rest when they’re horny. My augmented breasts will keep everyone content and happy. My gifts to the world are my augmented breasts and world peace.