“How could this have happened to me? ” I questioned myself aloud. I held my face in my hands trying to make sense of the mess I had gotten myself into. I sat on the end of the bottom bunk in a tiny cell, praying that someone would get me out. I raised my head and began to peer into the cold, gray walls trying to pretend that I was in my room instead. I arose and paced in a circle. The bottom of my feet froze inside my white socks as they skated across the cold pool of cool gray color across the floor.
I continued to pace until I found myself sitting on the edge of the bunk with the same question rippling across my lips: “ How could this have happened to me? I haven’t done anything to deserve this! ” I shouted aloud in a demanding tone. However, at that very moment, I realized that everything I had been doing up until this very moment played a delicate yet tedious role in the reasoning behind why I was in a cell. It was only a few months earlier that the same relentless thought encompassed my mind. “That could never happen to me! What could make someone do such an ignorant thing?
” I questioned aloud as the evening Fox 2 news rambled of a discovery of a body found inside a drug house. “I don’t think I could be that dumb to get mixed up in drugs,” I continued. My eyes unremittedly peered into the television screen while my mind simultaneously floated through my own naive thoughts of invincibility. I felt immune to the pressures and temptations of the outside world as if no one or anything could penetrate my existence. My wonderings were interrupted by the loud opening thrust of the front door. “Hey honey! ” my mom almost yelled with hilarity. “How was your day? ” “It was ok.
Do you see this crap on TV dad? ” I asked in disgust of what I had just seen on the evening news. “Yeah. They’re so many crazy people out there. I’m just glad that we’ve raised you to be wiser than the rest of people in the world,” my dad explained in a mellow tone. I shook my head in concurrence, but inside there was secret curiosity lurking; something that my parents couldn’t conceive. The next morning, I awakened to the annoying sound of my alarm clock buzzing in my ear. I slowly arose out of bed dreading the thought of waking up in the morning and going to another boring day of school.
I only had a year and a half to go, and it seemed like junior year was flying by with spring break right around the corner. I rushed into the shower in fear of being late again. I slipped on some clothes and rushed out the door. I hurriedly jogged past the opening door of my high school only to arrive late again. The bell yielded my trot like jogging to a slow walk. As I turned the corner, my eye caught a glimpse of a precarious guy. I couldn’t help but notice that I was staring directly at him. “Oh my God! Is he walking towards me? He is walking towards me.
Just stay calm and don’t run,” I whispered to myself trying to not make it obvious that I was talking to myself. “Hey! Don’t I know you? ” he asked. “Um, I don’t think so but I’ve seen you somewhere before,” I said shy shyly. “Do you wanna get something to eat? ” “Now? ” “Sure! Why not? ” “Cause I’ve got class right now and I’m already late! ” “C’mon, its just one day. ” “Well… I don’t know, but I guess its ok. ” I had no idea what I was doing skipping class, but at the time it seemed like a good idea. We walked down an empty hallway and slipped pass the school’s front doors.
After walking almost ten blocks from school we arrived at a local diner. We sat at a secluded booth in the back of a diner. “What’s your name? ” I asked while simultaneously looking over the menu. “Chris. Chris Massey. I used to go to school back there but I got expelled. ” “Yea! I remember you. You got expelled from school for having sex in the boy’s bathroom! ” “Yup! That’s me. I really don’t care. Besides, school is for losers anyways. You don’t seem like a loser, so what were you doing there? ” “Well school isn’t really my thing, but I only have two more years and it keeps my parents off my case.
” “Wanna smoke? ” Asked Chris as he pulled out a pack of Marlboro cigarettes from his jacket. His sleek black hair gleamed from the overhead lighting in the diner. His skin was clean and pure like fresh milk. “C’mon! Live a little! ” Chris persisted. “Ok, why not. ” After a few hours had passed we decided to go and hang out with a few of Chris’s friends. A couple of guys and girls met us at an abandoned house not too far from the diner, and I have to admit that at first it just did not feel right, but after a few drinks and a few joints, everything felt right.
I felt so comfortable being around Chris and his friends. I felt like one of them. A few more hours passed by before I had to literally slap myself to come back to reality. “Oh shoot! I gotta get back home before my folks flip out! ” I exclaimed. “Well, OK. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” said Chris. “Bye guys! ” “Bye,” everyone else said slowly. I raced home fearing my parent’s fury towards me for coming home so late. What time is it? I had no idea. I passed by a bank and realized that it was 11:30 pm. Oh, I’m really in trouble.
Coming home at 11:30 on a school night was intolerable, and I knew that my parents were going to flip. I ran instead of jogged all the way home. I prepared myself for the worst as I approached the front door. I stood on the porch fumbling with my keys only to be greeted by my father opening the front door at the exact same time I was putting my keys in it. “ Oh. Where in the hell have you been? We’ve been worried sick about you. It’s just not like you to not call home. Where were you all this time? ” Questioned my father. “ I was just hanging out with some friends and I lost track of time.
Sorry. ” “ Oh really? Well were these friends from school? ” “Yeah! Friends from school! ” I exclaimed trying to cover up my wrong- doing. “That’s interesting because we had a nice conversation with the school today. It seems that you didn’t go to school today. So if you were hanging with friends from school, then did you all skip today? You know what don’t answer that. This is what’s going to happen. You’re already suspended for 3 days, and in the meantime you’re grounded for a month. That way you’ll have lots of time to think about how this isn’t going to happen again.
Is that clear? ” “Yes sir. ” I said with my head bowed in disappointment. “Go to your room. ” For the next couple of days I stayed in my room finding things to clean before I couldn’t take it. I was staring out my window waiting for time to pass when I saw Chris. He motioned for me to come outside. I knew it was wrong, but the temptation was too strong to resist. Besides, my parents were at work, so there is no way that they would ever know. Chris and I made our way back to the abandoned house and had a few drinks and a few joints. “Do you wanna make some money? ” “Of course!
That would be great instead of begging my parents for money all the time. What do I have to do? ” “Just sell a little marijuana here and there. Besides, you’ll have unlimited customers at school. ” “But what if I get caught? ” “You won’t get caught unless you go to school and announce to everyone that you have weed in your backpack. I’ll show you what to do and how to do it, ok? ” “Ok. I gotta go. I’m grounded and I gotta beat my parents home. ” “Ok. I’ll meet you at your house same time tomorrow. ” “Ok. Bye Chris. ” I made it back home almost down to the last second before my mom walked in the door.
I ran up to my room pretending to be so upset about my being grounded. My parents didn’t say much to me while I was grounded, but I could feel the disappointment piercing from their eyes right into mine. The next day, I met Chris at my house and he showed me everything that I needed to know about dealing. He showed me how to weigh it and bag it up for all my potential customers. He showed me how much to charge and what to say to attract people without getting caught. It seemed easy but I had no idea where that path would lead me until it was too late.
Selling marijuana was easy, I was discreet enough to elude my parents and the school, but flamboyant enough to keep selling and make the extra money that I craved. Spring break was right around the corner and things were finally in my control, at least I thought. By the time that spring break had arrived, things were completely out of control. I began smoking on a regular basis, and since I had money, I had drugs. Chris and I began having sex and the more marijuana I smoked, the better the sex was. After a while, sex with Chris became boring so I ventured off to other avenues to get pleasure.
In the midst of all the sex and drugs, I began to see that I was changing. I was constantly fighting at school, constantly suspended from school, and my life was spinning out of control. Somehow, someone at school had indicated that I was selling marijuana and since then, the visits from the police never stopped. The last Friday before Spring Break had ended, I decided to take a trip to the Promenade Shopping Center. I was cruising around the parking lot searching for a parking space when a guy jumped off the curb out of nowhere. “Hey!
Why did you just run out there like that? You almost made me hit you! ” I yelled while simultaneously trembling. The guy who was observably older and larger than I was, ran around the car yelling and took the liberty of kicking my shinny Cadillac Eldora do multiple times leaving white streaks of rubber from the sole of his black and white converse shoe. “What the hell are you doing? Are you crazy? ” “F*uck you! You little b*tch.! ” The man yelled while concurrently pushing me. My jaw dropped in disbelief as he continued to yell obscenities.
My anger got control of my body as if an electric current of force pushed me towards him. I yelled in anger as I punched him with my entire valor. I closed my eyes as I hurled my fist towards his face, not realizing that I had hit him dead on in the eye. He fell to the ground and I stood over him watching the blood pour from his face. He moaned and groaned gripping his eye as I continued to stand over him disoriented from the alcohol and drugs when I realized what I had done, I jumped back into my car and went home. That following Monday morning, my father awoke me and told me to come downstairs.
As I trotted down the stars I was greeted by two Ventura police officers who arrested me for assault with great bodily harm. Apparently, I punched the guy so hard that I broke his eye socket in five different places. I was then taken a juvenile facility in Venture, California, and there I was holding my head in my hands thinking about all that happened, and trying to point fingers at whom to blame. I spent five long days in agony at that facility crying, wondering, and crying about this person that I had come to know and hate. That person was I. I hated myself for the person that I had become.
I let drugs, sex, violence, and alcohol take over my life and shape me to become someone that I hated. It was time for a change. I was released because the charges were dropped due to self-defense considering that he was 20 and I was 16 years old at the time. The whole experience molded me into someone that I hated but grew to love. It was because of that experience that I was literally scared into changing my life. I knew that deep down inside I did not want to hurt people or spend the rest of my life selling drugs only to end up in another cell.
I wanted to be a young vibrant person because of who I was inside, and not because of how much money I made selling drugs, or how many people I had sex with. It was because of this experience that I reformed my old behavior. Since then, I have never had another drink, another joint, or casual sex. I finally realized that I did not need sex, drugs, or money to be a good person. “That” happened to me because I let drugs and other temptations control that I used to be. I will never let “that” happen to me again. I have learned self-respect, self-worth, and with the support of my parents, I am finally who I was born to become.