Effectiveness is competency in living our lives, our relationships and our occupations. This chapter is written to enlighten us on what is emotional intelligence (EQ) and why and how it is an important factor when striving for effectiveness. In his book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman is quoted as saying that IQ contributes 20% to effectiveness while 80% is contributed by other factors such as attitudes, skills and behaviors altogether known as emotional intelligence.
Some of the various elements used in this chapter to show how best EQ can be increased include; independence and interdependence, conflict resolution and anger management. We are also introduced to the five realms of EQ which include self awareness, managing emotions, self motivation, perceptiveness and handling relationships. All these have been discussed under the fundamental notion that effectiveness is best achieved in win-win situations.
In the discussion on effective relationships, the chapter explains that it is important to be independent so that you can be interdependent. If you are not independent, you become codependent in your relationships. This inhibits your effectiveness because you are prone to making decisions that ensure you are always gaining from others and not vice versa. On the contrary, in the case of interdependence, one tends to make decisions that ensure that both parties are happy hence win-win situations.
Interdependence also calls for cooperation between the two parties. The chapter has extensively addressed how this ideology can be used to successfully solve conflicts and maintain effective relationships. It is however important to note that we are cultured to compete and hence applying the win-win concept is not a natural instinct. We therefore have to be proactive about creating win-win scenarios in our relationships.
The chapter is not ignorant of the fact that it is impossible to arrive at a win-win situation when the other person does not want to cooperate. Due to our natural inclination to compete, the chapter gives us five steps that can systematically guide us towards effective conflict resolution. The most notable insight in this process is that during the conflict resolution process, you can present a yeasable proposal which is basically an aspect of your position that the other party will find easy to say yes to, one that is meeting some of their needs.
One of the greatest hindrances to win-win situations or conflict resolution that this chapter addresses in depth is anger. Anger is not always bad but it sometimes drives us to want to win no matter what the cost is for the other party. It is therefore good that the chapter addresses what causes it, what one can do to control it and its dangers not only to our relationships but to our own physical health as well.
The chapter elaborately explains how when we are angry our most immediate reaction is to look for an external factor that is responsible for it without being aware of what we are doing. It is this very reaction that causes harm to our relationships thus rendering us ineffective. Although the chapter has given conflict management and anger more attention, I believe they should also be given a lot of weight in our interdependent relationships in order for us to be more effective.
Develop your Emotional Intelligence