(Jon) “…Thank you very much indeed. Let’s start as usual by listening at a letter:” (Voice) “Jon, in the week that we learned that Tom Cruise is about to conduct a wedding, is it true that in your time off that the whole Now Show team have become Scientologists? ” (Jon) Certainly is, yeah that’s right. We were inspired by Panorama a few weeks ago. I am now a third-operating Featon. Marcus Brigstocke is a fifth-level Get-Wizard and Mitch Benn’s overtaken reporter John Sweeney as the BBC’s official loudest shouter. ”
(Mitch) “YOU’LL NEVER SHOUT AS LOUD AS ME SWEENEY! YOU CAN TRY, BUT YOU WILL FAIL FOR I AM MITCH, HEAR ME ROAR.
Do you understand? ” (Jon) “Anyway, yeah while we were off, BBC’s watched Panorama incurred the wrath not of God then but Scientologist leader, who I think I’m right in saying is a space alien, as his be-sun glassed followers clashed with reporter John Sweeney. Now, critics have said of course that Sweeney’s film was unfair, that it was one sided, that it was prejudiced and unnecessarily insulting towards the culty nuttists. To which I say, YES, we’re the BBC. What did you think? That we were impartial? Hah! Well I thought now – hang on, hang on – think about this: there’s 118,000 Scientologists in the UK alone.
And that is a lot of license fees with which to make future Panorama’s about them. So, I thought on behalf of the BBC I’d offer these aggrieved church members an olive branch – not literally of course, they’d probably burn it with their laser eyes or feed it to their wookies or something – but I thought we should allow scientologists their right to reply here on the Now Show, partly in the interest of impartiality but mostly because I’ve just called them culty nuttists and I don’t want to be taken away by men wearing shady shades and anally probed.
Thus I have promised them that I would play them their brand new recruitment film in full. So here it is, well obviously it’s just the sound on the radio. This is the new advert then for Scientology. ” Scientology Advert Alien Voice: “On your last trip did you discover what the Earth people eat? ” Alien Voice 2: “They eat a great many of these (refers to a potatoe). They peel them with their metal knives. Boil or bake them for twenty minutes then they smash them all to bits. ” Alien Voice 1: “They are clearly a most primitive people”
Singing Voice: “For mashed, get smashed. ” (??? ) (Jon) “Ah, scientologists and their fear of potatoes. See, I’ve been doing research and I’ve been to the Scientology website and the first sentence you chance upon is this:” (Voice) “The word scientology literally means ‘the study of truth. ’ It comes from the latin word scio, meaning ‘knowing in the fullest sense of the word” and the greek word logos meaning “study of. ” (Jon) “Logos that meaning “study of,” and not to be confused with the greek word Logos which means waste of money, poor quality Olympic design.
It was followed of course, by who invented scientology, presumably following after the good works of his old/good mother who as chronicled in his book, if you’ve read it Self Help Dienetics: How to See the Cupboard as at Least Half Full, went to the closet one day to find apart from it being bare it actually had a prominent scientologist in it. So anyway, whatever you believe scientology to be, they say it is an applied religious philosophy. We say it’s a bit like a plot of the 80’s mini-series V where aliens came to our planet and ate our mice.
Ah, the truth is that if you follow applied religious scientology, eventually after approximately ten years and 200,000 pounds, you become a grand operating Featon and reach level eight, ‘truth revealed,’ which sounds impressive but yesterday in just one afternoon I got to level twelve of Tomb Raider and got to put my name in and thus I win! ” Activities: I. Multiple Choice (Comprehension) 1. Who is the primary speaker in the given listening exercise? a. Mitch b. Jon c. Marcus d. Alien scientology leader 2.
What did the speaker/host of The Now Show do to avoid violent reactions from scientologist listeners? a. Visit the Scientology website. b. Allow scientologist listeners to reply and be heard via the show. c. Read letters from their listeners. d. Play the new Scientology recruitment advertisement. 3. Does the host of the show take Scientology seriously? a. Yes, since the host did make extra efforts to research about Scientology. b. No because the host openly mocks scientology practice and even implies the belief’s are out of this world.
c. Cannot be determined since the show is a humor/comedy show thus statements made within the show are not meant to be taken seriously. 4. The host humorously and sarcastically states that after 10 years and 200,000 pounds, what level would a scientology practitioner could have possibly attained? a. Third level Featon b. Eighth level Deacon c. Eighth level Featon d. Get-Wizard 5. How many speakers were featured in the radio show? (Include both humans and aliens) a. 5 b. 4 c.
3 d. 2 II. True or False 1. Does the host believe that the scientology leader is an alien? 2. According to critics, Sweeney’s film was fair, unprejudiced and showed all sides regarding scientology. 3. Scientology is not a religious philosophy. 4. The host Jon and the rest of the Now Show team became scientologists the week before Tom Cruise was to be married. 5. According to the scientology website, scientology literally means ‘the study of truth. ’ III. Creative (Synthesis)
Following the style of the radio show listened to earlier, create a short script that can be connected with exercise. Pretend to be a caller calling the show (either as scientologist or just any listener). Make sure to make your character as colorful as those featured in The Now Show. IV. Short Essay (Comprehension and synthesis) What is your opinion of the show? Was the host’s humor out of line? Summarize what has just been listened to and state your opinion in not less that 300 words but no more than 400 words